Well, it’s official; I’m totally freaking out about my October schedule. With only 11 days until my first triathlon, 17 days until my final long (20-mile) run, 25 days until the Rock ‘n’ Roll Los Angeles half marathon, not to mention the Marine Corps Marathon at the end of October that I’ve working towards to, the feeling of helplessness, doubt and disintegrating self-confidence is settling in. I R  SCREWED.

I think my poor 18 mile run this last weekend was the culprit. Despite finishing the mileage, it’s my second consecutive awful run (I only did 6.2 miles rather than 16 the weekend prior). Of course, I’m the only person to blame since I haven’t been doing my midweek runs and opt to do alternate workouts (that are just “OK”). So last weekend, other than the intense heat, I specifically remember feeling really tired and having negative thoughts like, “why the heck am I doing this again? Why do I keep signing up for marathons? Why am I doing this to myself?” I can’t even get myself to sign up for the 2011 Los Angeles Marathon because I’m seriously reconsidering why I’m “running.”

Well, I began writing the above doom-and-gloom post earlier this afternoon but thought twice about it. I guess writing with an empty stomach whilst suffering from the heat is conducive to negative thoughts! Now that I’ve had my lunch and perhaps a bit more perspective (Kara Goucher and Paula Radcliffe gave birth to two healthy baby boys — their dreams of motherhood are fulfilled!), the day suddenly seems so much brighter despite it being still hot as heck.

Anyway, Kara Goucher and Paula Radcliffe both took a break from their racing schedules to do what they wanted the most — be a mother. At least, that’s what Kara Goucher has been writing about in her blog and in this one interview I read ages ago. That being said, even if running is their occupation, it’s not necessarily their life. Which is where said perspective came in: I’m running to be fit and maintain a relatively healthy life (I put relatively there cos my next Instructable is going to be a Spam sandwich! ), but I digress… I’m not running for Olympic glory or placing in my age group or anything like that, so why am I freaking out about October’s races? If I can finish all the races with a smile on my face and still be able to walk afterwards, I think that would be fantastic. If I get a PR, even better, but I won’t die if I don’t. My training won’t really go to waste because it contributed to my overall fitness and as long as I could, I can always redeem myself in another race.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving up on my goal to PR the Marine Corps Marathon, but I’m just reminding myself that even if I’m 2 seconds, five minutes or one hour from my goal finish, I’ll just take what I’ve learned from that race and apply it to the next running event I sign up for.

So yeah… Bring it on, October!

p.s.,
I still want to qualify for Boston someday, but I’m guessing that’ll be a few decades from now.